flaws
I didn’t knew what actually love was, until I truly understand the true essence of it. My perfect idea of love is that it’s perfect, it will end up where it was supposed to be, and I did lived thinking what’s meant to be will happened at the end of the day. Well you see I spent the last two years of my life creating this perfect idea of me, no flaws, funny, the kind of girl every guy wants to be with. I observed people based on first dates, what they actually like, listening to what’s lacking, and why they are alone. And if I am interested with the person I get into the character far from who I really am. It was all about pleasing them and if they were happy so was I, but man I was totally wrong, cause at the end of the night when I go home I know if they know who is the real me, no boundaries, no walls to protect her, I’m vulnerable and scared. I’m scared they might not be able to understand and see past through the person I am, I’m afraid that one day they’ll leave for someone that can give them what they want. I’m scared to be alone, who wants to be alone? I guess most people don’t. Until I met someone, I played the same game, long enough for him to realise it was all a game. I thought if I walk away through that door away from him, then it’ll be fine thinking he’d forget that I happened in his life over time. This time it was different, it felt like I have to be real this time, it scared me to changed something for him, to be vulnerable. Something that I’m not really ready for, until this now. He helped me see that I can get what I want for a few months with my past ways, but I had to stop it in order to have a lifetime with someone, and I did. We fight most of the time but not because we don’t want to be with each other, but it’s because we are fighting for our relationship to work out. He’s not perfect, but I am growing to start to love his flaws, his weird dancing and oh how I hate how he dance. I am neither perfect as well, I am evil as what he thinks and also my mom, but despite all of what’s happen he didn’t care, not because he only wants something temporarily, but he genuinely wants to be with me now, and all the days to come. I came to conclusion that no relationship is perfect, we had boring days, days where sometimes never end (singapore nights?), there are days where we only want to be with each other and talk our hearts out shared over a bottle of whisky, nights that we go to sleep upset with each other, but no matter what, we like each other’s company, and we liked to stay it that way. This love is the one I truly wanted, and I like this love imperfect. —-Abby
